Pardon me, I just feel the need to do a quick rant.

I am not currently a waitress, so I don’t have a “dog in this fight,” so to speak. But I have been a waitress before, and there were two things I’ve learned: Christians were the worst tippers, followed closely by women.

Christians seem a little generic, so let me explain. If you are a beginning waiter, you will probably have to work Sunday lunches. I guarantee this isn’t because the wait staff wants to go to church; it’s because the Sunday crowd from people coming back from church were the fussiest, rudest, smallest-tippers of the week. Waiters hate waiting on the Sunday church crowd, and that, as a Christian, is devestating to hear.

Women might be self-explanatory. I think most waiters groan when the woman ends up taking the check, especially if they are there with little children. I don’t know what it is, but generally speaking, women tip less.

I know there is a standard rule of tipping 10%, but that is only appropriate some of the time. I thought I would just make a few rules as a former waitress and someone who currently eats out:

1) On Friday and Saturday nights, tipping 10% is not appropriate. You should tip at least 15%, and probably 20%.

2) If you are at the table for a long time, lingering after your meal is done, you need to tip way for than 10%. You are occupying a table, and thus costing the waiter money. It’s okay to linger, you just have to make it up to the waiter by giving him the money he would have gotten if another table had come through.

3) If you order an appetizer, tip the price of an entrée. You are saving yourself money, I completely understand the appeal, but it’s just as easy for a waiter to bring out an appetizer as it is an entrée. He shouldn’t be punished because you ordered something cheap.

4) If just a few people are eating, but a big group is there occupying a table, they need to tip too. They aren’t giving the restaurant money for food, but you are using their services, so make up for it with a tip equal to if you had bought food.

I eat out, so I know the appeal. I also don’t know what brought this on, but as a Christian woman, I think it should be the exact opposite.