Is it acceptable to begin a short story, "I am a male," to otherwise clear up confusion caused by a male narrator?

My summer schedule is a little wonky (stay up late teaching Koreans, sleep pt. 1, wake up early to teach Koreans again, sleep pt. 2 ,then leave to work at day camp). So, during the sleep part 2, I've been having some odd dreams that I usually remember. Especially this week, as they replaced the windows in apartment building, which required excessive drilling.

Like, this week I dreamt Tim flushed my two favorite pairs of socks down the toilet just in SPITE. Last night I dreamt Tim and I got tickets to watch the dress rehearsal of SNL, only they had replaced the whole entire cast (Kenan was still allowed to work one of the cameras), and I couldn't see any of it because my seat was behind some wall decoration.

But, no hard feelings! Here is a picture of us at the wedding last weekend that required us to run across the Atlanta airport in fashion shoes, not practical shoes, because they canceled our original flight, only to not make the other flight and have to be 12th and 13th on the standby list on another plane, which miraculously let us on, and arrived in Dallas, and thus Waco, just the knick of time!

"It's a good time to be in the beef industry." - a (somewhat...my memory is a little hazy) direct quotation from Julie's graduation. Happy graduation, Julie and others (even if you're not in the beef industry)!

Happy half birthday to me!

I love riding my bike for many reasons, but perhaps at the top of the list is the amazing offers grocery stores seem to offer when I ride my bike to go shopping, and thus only have one handy bicycle grocery bag in which to bring back food. It's like they know I can only bring back so much and rub it in my face.

Like today. I needed to buy 2 bags of cheese, and Harris Teeter happened to be having a "buy two bags, get three bags free" deal. Who has ever heard of this? Of course, I had to have room for 5 bags instead of 3.

Or, for the first time ever, pretzel M&Ms! Their debut in the world happens in correspondence to my biking!

But MOST IMPORTANTLY, Harris Teeter had ORVILLE'S LIME AND SALT POPCORN. This, my friends, is an issue close to my heart. I stumbled into this popcorn by accident (I won it as a prize), and proceeded to become obsessed. I could only find it at Wal-Mart, and when Wal-Mart stopped carrying it, I seriously considered driving 45 minutes to the closest Wal-Mart that did have it (because I looked online, thinking I could order it from there). Imagine my distress when I found out it had been DISCONTINUED.

So, I did what any writer in a rage does: I wrote a letter. I tried to share Orville's personal response with you, but apparently blogger doesn't let you copy and paste? Is this true blogger?

Anyway, I would have bought out the store, but alas, I was on my bike, and had to settle with 4 boxes.

Happy Mother's Day to the World's Greatest Mom!

And Mother-in-Law:

And Might-As-Well-Be-Mom!

And to all the other loving Moms out there!

I'm going to start spreading false rumors based on the information from spokeo.com.

Here's my first one: Tim isn't interested in politics. Better believe it.

Innocent.

Yesterday, hours after reading about how friend Allison forgot her purse in Bulgaria, I went shopping at a large craft store. In order to remember what I needed, and to look at a picture for inspiration, I brought my how-to manual, a book called How to Make Books. I then left the book in the shopping cart and proceeded through the next five hours with a suspicion I was no longer in possession of it. But I had volunteering, and Mother's Day/graduation shopping to do, and couldn't confirm this suspicion until night.

I immediately called the store and asked if any books had been found. I answered their questions; yes, I left it in the cart; no, the cart was inside. The lady then informed me they hadn't found any books.

Before I was going to hang up, she asked me, "Well, in case it comes up, what was the name of the book?"

I told her: How to Make Books.

"Oh," she replied. "We have that."

I'm really not sure what that means, because my book definitely looks like a book. When I picked it up, the same lady admitted she almost threw it away when she found it because she didn't know what to do with it.

But what can I say? I often feel that way at the end of the day. Plus, I had barbeque sauce all over my shirt, and I arrived 5 minutes after "Make Your Mother a Corsage" ending. Not the best situation for any of us.

Every pregnant person I know (either on a day-to-day basis, or facebook-stalking-haven't-talked-to-you-in-awhile basis) EXCEPT ONE is having a boy. That's about 15 boys that have arrived or are about to arrive in the year 2010.

I'm sure I totally have something to do with it.

(does that sound dirty? I don't mean for it to.)

You might think that the beach would be empty at 5:30 Wednesday morning, but you'd be wrong. Instead, you would share the beach with:
1) A high school photography class
2) Insane runners and their dogs
3) At least three couples making out under the pier.
4) College kids checking off "see the sunrise on the beach" off their bucket list.